Forget about the explosions, the continent-sized volcanoes, the crumbling freeways and screaming extras — 2012 is no disaster movie, it’s a high-rent remake of The Parent Trap.
A little-known fact about divorced parents is that they’re all one global catastrophe away from slipping back into one another’s arms, ditching a Johnny-come-lately boyfriend in a disturbingly half-hearted rescue attempt and re-fusing their nuclear family while saving humanity at the same time.
John Cusack plays a burnout novelist who still pines for his ex-wife (Amanda Peet). As Cusack pines to reunite with Peet and his two kids, who have been usurped by a nerdy doctor placebo daddy, the earth’s core is overheating, causing ruptures in the crust that will swallow supporting characters for your gruesome entertainment.
Since the movie plays for more than two and a half hours, it has plenty of time to get metaphorical, and that’s exactly what it does. The gaping maws that erupt from the earth’s surface are metaphors for the gaping maw inside Cusack’s head for signing onto projects like this. The tumbling buildings are metaphors for Emmerich’s career path after making Independence Day, having followed that entertaining blockbuster with unwatchable messes such as Godzilla, The Day After Tomorrow and 10,000 B.C. The snoring you hear in the seat beside you is a metaphor for the spaced-out, phoned-in performances.
The screenplay never quite does get around to fully explaining why the earth is ‘sploding, although it does hint it’s got something to do with the sun and that the One World Government learns about it far enough in advance to construct some Noah’s Arks and revisit the who-deserves-to-be-saved tension of Deep Impact. There’s neither depth nor impact in 2012, but there are divorce cures and tumbling Rio de Janeiro Jesus statues, so that’s something.
Starring John Cusack, Amanda Peet, Danny Glover, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Thandie Newton and Woody Harrelson. Written by Roland Emmerich and Harald Kloser. Directed by Emmerich. Rated PG-13. 158 minutes.
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You left out the fact that the show’s makers sold their souls (yeah right!) to Islamic extremists when deciding which religious symbols to destroy. How nice.
@Brian Schupp – can you please explain what you mean, cause you aren’t making any sense to me at all.
Well considering that you just bashed some of my favorite movies I am not planning on taking this review too seriously. And am looking forward to seeing the movie. I love John Cusack and find it relatively hard to believe he would sign on for such a monstrous film as you describe.
you have some strong messages, i thought it was just missing something, i think u get money to trash things , it definitly was not the worst movie in the world, do you like casablanka i though it was a hundred times better
When I saw the 1st advertisement I loved it right away, you can’t take these types of movies to seriously, it is about action entertainment. This movie has the full package. I was able to catch the 1st showing and I will tell you that movie rocks. Forget about actors trying to win acting awards. There are many respectable actors in this movie I am sure there was huge line up to get into this movie project. Fun Fun Fun that is what it is. Well spent money and one of the few movies I might go see again. But if you’re going in to nick and pick at the acting points your not invited to see this movie. Who want to hear it. This is fun movie and for people who wants to have fun.
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I would advise everyone to hold the cheese with their nacho’s because there is plenty in this movie. Cusack escapes cracking roads in a stretch limo and a camper van but when he does it a few times on run ways in airplanes it gets a little bit boring and repetitive. This film looks like the story line was written to fit the effects scenes (surely not). After this I’m not going to watch another one of these films because they are simply crap. I don’t care if the world melts in 3D graphics if the story line is cribbed from the last disaster movie then it is always going to be depressing watching the president fly off to safety in Air Force One while we all burn, drown, get crushed or choke on Jelly Babies watching Jedward fall down a whole in the earth while singing on X Factor.
WE walked out and could not take anymore of this CHEESY. CHEESY movie…and what Ilearned fro mit was that someone can have $260 million dollars and still not have a frikken CLUE on what kind of movie today’s culture wants to see. Guys go see paranormal activity instead because 2012 gets -2012 points…. REALLY S_U_C_K_E_D.
CHEES is fun once in a while , hey i still pull out some of my old Classic cheesy films The Original Poseidon Adventure 1972/ Earthquake (1974) /When Worlds Collide (1951) / War Of The Worlds old and new ,hey I have a bunch. Cheese is fun and when your doing nothing and they show up to tv I am there with popcorn. I can’t say I had ever walked out on a movie always just had to see how things turn out ok I had some kikers lol and knocked my head why why.
But history will always repeat itself a dooms day movie is always covered with cheese. Even 2012 there where some parts that the cheese was getting thick when the Ark was being swept away and they could not turn on the engines and where heading right for the mountain to there doom. I don’t know but that captain had to be in shock he did nothing. Man I would be like screaming at Scotty you have to do something , Scotty it would be a good time now, SCOTTY what the #$% are you doing. But no he just stood there. There is nothing we can do till the door is closed and stood there. That whole scene where they snuck in the ark that is where they should of left it and sailed off to the sunset I think at that point I was thinking ok lets get it over with. But still is was a fun and cheesy.