Mike Eats Tainted Cake and The Gang Says Goodbye: 'Jersey Shore' Recap, Series Finale
Well, the world didn't end but Jersey Shore did. Twitter was abuzz last night with fans (and haters) wrapping their heads around the idea of a post-Jersey Shore world. We have long suspected that Shore haters have never watched an episode from beginning to end, and know of only the fights, the drama, the drinking and the arrests. And while those things are certainly a large part of what made Jersey Shore interesting, they are not what made it lovable. For that, we had the very real friendships between the roommates, who have been both tormenting and entertaining us since 2009 (or, in the case of Deena, since 2011).
Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, Paul "DJ Pauly D" DelVecchio, Jenni "JWoww" Farley, Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola, Ronnie Ortiz-Magro, Vinny Guadagnino and Deena Cortese said farewell to us and each other last night in the series finale, and we must admit...it made us very sad, and we'll miss them.
Things kick off when Vinny suggests having a bonfire on the beach to commemorate their last night in Seaside. Little did he know, his bright idea would mean pushing a ton of wood from the lumbar yard back to the shore house, while Pauly drove behind him, laughing as cool blasts of the AC made no impression on his impenetrable blowout.
The gang invited their families and friends. Snooki looked on with smug satisfaction as Jionni LaValle made a fool of Mike and his athletic ability, and Sammi and Ronnie stayed away from each other the entire night in an effort to prove to their skeptical parents that they can get along. "We're going to take the next step and move in together," she says. The next step in ensuring a miserable life? The next step to landing a spin-off series (likely)? Just last week, we remarked that Sammi and Ronnie seem to have matured a little bit, and we began to root for their relationship to succeed regardless of whether cameras were rolling.
And then tonight, Ronnie went back to his caveman ways, demanding an apology from Sammi for...not apologizing for something she didn't do. You read that right, and it's not our fault that it doesn't make any sense.
You see, Vinny and Pauly attempted to move Ronnie and Sammi's blow-up bed downstairs and accidentally punctured it. Because they did it in effort to get Sammi back for locking them on the deck, Ronnie deduced that it was all Sammi's fault. We think Ronnie is just upset because with the bed broken, he is the only thing in the house full of hot air. Sammi further infuriates Ronnie when she wakes up like Cinderella, chirping about Pauly and Mike's birthdays and making cakes for them.
"Your attitude this morning, you think you did nothing wrong, you get up like all f***ing peppy, 'I did nothing wrong, I'll f***ing bake a cake, f***ing bake cookies' that's the f***ing problem."
Vinny, Pauly, JWoww and Deena sit inside and listen to the first Ron and Sam fight they have heard all summer.
"How did our prank turn into them fighting?" Vinny wondered, proving once again that he is the most observant and logical person in the house.
We were so proud of Sammi for staying calm and never once forgetting how stupid the entire thing was. A few minutes later, they made up. As a friend pointed out while we watched, "Love means saying you're sorry for stuff you didn't do just to shut the other one up." Words to live by, friends.
While Pauly and Vinny's prank didn't work out, another one did. The prankster? None other than Mike's ex-girlfriend, Paula. She sweetly left a couple of birthday cakes for Mike at the tanning salon, which Jenni and Sammi brought back to the house. Mike and Pauly devoured the cakes, and we were left wondering, along with Jenni, just what the heck is wrong with Paula and why does she continually allow herself to look so pathetic?
But Paula got the last laugh, and we must say, we never saw it coming. During the next trip to the tanning salon, Paula's co-worker informs Sammi that Paula had some dude delicately place his, uh, private parts on the cakes. And she had photographic evidence. The gang howled with laughter at the expense of Sitch, Pauly and Deena, who ate the cake. So did we. We're not proud of it, but so did we. Mike could not believe he'd been duped. Paula faked poor cell reception when he attempted to call her out on it, and it was all very amusing until he killed the duck phone.
All too soon, it's time for everyone to say goodbye. Our favorite farewell came courtesy of JWoww: "My life is now perfect because of this show," she said through tears. Oh, JWoww. You were always right there alongside Vinny, vying for a spot in our hearts for our favorite roommate.
It's been fun watching the final season of Jersey Shore with all of you, but this recap concludes our time together. What did you think of the finale? If we learned one thing from Jersey Shore, it is this: never judge a book by its blowout. (Thank you, Pauly D.)
That's a wrap!